I am slowly but surely getting blog drafts ready to post of our months ever since Carter was born. It's a slow process but slow and steady wins the race, right? It's been fun to look back on the past few months 1) because documenting and remembering helps me be more grateful and love our little life even more and 2) to see that life has gotten easier, which I am so grateful for. Looking through these pictures makes me realize I may have had a slight case of PTSD after Carter was born. Haha!! Kidding...but not...who knows. I think that's how I'll be with every newborn. As much better as life is as Carter gets older, I do feel depleted these days. Physically, emotionally, mentally (mostly due to potty training, toddler defiance, and other things). Spiritually, I'm doing well only because of daily studying the scriptures and also the amazing general conference we just had and having those talks and past talks on audio throughout the day; without those things I'd be a flat balloon in the game of life. I know this exahusting young mom/parenting stage is fleeting and won't last forever. But there are so many little parts of it that are hard and complex and require so much work and effort and follow-up and consistency and unity and persistence and pleading prayers and HOPE and FAITH. Things will get better. But they are hard.
So for now, a happy list:
1) Easter was so fun. Leaving our families that sunny day in August 2012 as we drove up Parley's Canyon was daunting and emotional but we had no idea the friends we would make in our future home and the family they would become. Taking time this past week to study Christ's life individually and also with Ollie at night really made a big impact on me this year.
2) Carter glides/army cralws on our tile floor like a little 17 pound sea lion. He is hilarious and I love how quickly and efficiently he gets from point A to point B. And then I pick him up and his white onesie reminds me how dirty my floor is.
3) Ollie loves dinosaurs and construction tools. He is often hammering different things around our house or telling me different imaginary dinosaurs he sees. He asks me all.the.time. what we are doing next. "Mom, after we have lunch and play outside, what are we doing to DO?" "Mom, after quiet time and snack, what are we going to DO?" "Mom, after Jerlyn and Johanny come for piano lessons, what are we going to DO?" It's exhausting but also so cute and I replay his little voice in my head when I'm laying in bed at night. I get so frustrated and tired during the day from the constant demands but then pray each day for one more day with all my boys.
4) I am really grateful for everything Jared does. I'm trying so hard to be patient and understanding in this stage of life when his mind literally is like an iceberg with too many penguins on it. I know life will get easier one day...or it won't but we'll just get stronger.
5) This isn't happy but: Potty training is kicking my trash. Ollie is great with going #1 but #2 he refuses to go in the toilet and I am grouchy each time I scrub poopy underwear. I feel like I've tried everything so now it's a battle of the wills and that isn't working either so maybe I just need to back off and give it time. But I'd only like to do that if someone else will come scrub the underwear. Ha.
6) I love teaching our boys. It's such an amazing feeling to hear your toddler ask again why Jesus had blood on him and why people were hitting him (whipping him) or to watch the "white dress song" again or "pink dress song" again and randomly sing the words throughout the day and to show Carter the "Palm Sunday" picture hanging on the wall.
7) I love being home with our boys. I love teaching them. I love loving them. I love creating systems and order and organizing and gathering supplies and resources to teach them and also to make our home better. I love baking and making new meals and doing all I can to make my boys happy. Because as Great-Grandma Lua always said, "Love 'em and feed 'em."
8) I love my Savior. I love that He knows me and can console me and that His church is restored. I love that the Spirit guides us as we ask for it and that God is working miracles in my life. Little tiny ones...that make a difference to me.